If this is the first your hearing of the national holiday, I’m not sure if they can be collected retroactively…

Some say it was invented by the Romans in 269AD, and institutionalized through St Valentine’s cousin, Claudius Fellatio. Others suggest that when World War II ended in 1945, president Harry S. Truman had the FBI covertly spread the word to act as a “welcome home” for the troops. All we really know, is that Steak and BJ Day is pretty damn awesome.

The overarching theory is one of “Man’s Valentine’s Day.” You know the drill. Every 14th of February men get the chance to display their fondness for a significant other by showering them with gifts, flowers, dinner, and many other romantic baubles. They rack their brains for that one special gift that will show their spouse that they truly care.

Well here’s a little secret: men feel a tad left out.

They’re just too proud or too embarrassed to admit it. Sure seeing that smile on their face is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Which is why this very holiday was created. March 14th is henceforth “Steak and Blowjob Day.” Simple, effective and self explanatory; this holiday has been created so that the ladies can show their man how much they truly care for him.  No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name explains it all: just a steak and a BJ. That’s it.

Not only will Steak and Blowjob Day be joyous day of sensuality for the men, but it will even instigate more effort during February for the women! It’s win win, gentlemen and ladies.

NSFW site here.

I’d settle for a burrito and a hickey…